These days when I can see my breath
and deeply breathe the crisp, cold air
There’s only beauty I can see
and only silence I can hear
With the seasons change coming soon,
this view will graciously change too
xoxo DDJ
A chilly silence
Divided We Fall; Can We Make America Great Again?
A house divided against itself cannot stand. – Abraham Lincoln
James Calvin Davis is a Christian studies and ethics teacher. Who he is and his religion aside, and even putting aside his book, Forbearance: A Theological Ethic for a Disagreeable Church – I have to agree with and share my personal concern and distress over the current climate of divisiveness in this country. I used to be quite the firecracker when it came to heated conversations. No more! I no longer share in debate and banter with friends and family because it gets ugly in seconds flat. Now, I stand in fear of antagonizing or creating a rift in longstanding friendships.
Journalism: “writing characterized by a direct presentation of facts or description of events without an attempt at interpretation”
Then, there’s my first love – journalism – a profession that has been vilified as both a career and a calling. Let us try, for a moment, and remember the importance of a free press. Today, the openness to ideas and communication is gone. Self proclaimed well-read and concerned citizens choose to ONLY hear their own voice and those who share that voice. But please think – – -one doesn’t need to agree with on a moral, ethical or simply personal level with everything we see and hear and read, BUT we do have a human obligation to weigh possibilities; to intelligently debate ideas; to actually care about a differing opinion in order to see a more valid truth. This CANNOT be the future:
“You either hate women or like to kill babies. You are either a hawk or a peacenik. You are either homophobic or a fan of bestiality. You either prefer owls to people or condone raping the environment. You are either a socialist or a one-percent. You are either for law enforcement or for African-American rights. This is what most of our public debate looks like these days.” – James Calvin Davis
How do we move forward? Who will teach future generations to communicate, to speak, to share – without being immediately dismissed, rebuked or belittled? We learn by example. It is a general belief that by the time we hit our 20’s, the measure of our integrity has been well established. So what then? I think the importance of teaching ethics is vastly under-emphasized. It is paramount, perhaps more now than ever, to give our future generations the tools in which they are ready to engage and debate alternative views. Conflict resolution should not just be a line on a resume.
We have become a nation numb to the simple virtues of honesty, integrity and compassion. What is conveyed every day by people we should hold in great regard has become accepted behavior. Dishonesty, malice, disparagement: this is the new norm. In fact, I see it not only accepted but worse, emulated. Something’s gotta give, because this is real and this makes me sad.
xoxo DDJ
Should we or shouldn’t we? Official Language in USA
Highly Sensitive Person-It’s a condition
A little while back I saw an article—somewhere. I recall it being about a condition called ‘highly sensitive person’. My gut reaction was—“an article about whiners? I don’t think so.” I never did actually read it. Recently, however, in one of my self-reflective—what the hell is wrong with me moments I let the concept seep back into my consciousness.
Perhaps it was because of uncontrollable crying while watching TV. Maybe it was the NEED to change the radio station during a “phone tap”- AKA prank, that caused me horrible anxiety. It could have been one of those television shows like America’s Funniest Home Video’s–even THAT can make me uncomfortable. Though honestly, it very well could have been the overwhelming empathy that I have never been able to begin to explain.
Everyone knows I hate crowds—A LOT. Most people know I like to have very minimal lighting at home. I often watch TV with the sound extremely low or with headphones on so I can just turn it down or off and have complete silence. I sometimes just turn the sound off and READ the closed captions. I am completely incapable of watching commercials for sick children or abused animals. I MEAN INCAPABLE. I cry at happy events just as emotionally as I do at sad ones. I NEED to have scented candles to calm myself. The list of my secret weirdness is long and I have been this way for so long that I contributed it to everything from my being born a Cancer—and we are sensitive, to believing it could be depression that might have lingered… for geez… decades?
A couple of weeks ago, thinking that perhaps it wasn’t just the holidays that had me crying at Christmas shows, or commercials, I decided to spend a little time Googling whether this is depression or something else. I honestly didn’t think I was sad. Perhaps I am just going mad! To most people, no one would ever even notice these things about me. I am funny, outgoing, friendly and engaging. One would think that a “highly sensitive person” would be an introvert. I am NOT. I needed to understand what this “highly sensitive person” condition really is. I was excited to think I was getting closer to some sort of authoritative explanation for how I have always felt. I was not looking for a ‘cure’, though being able to watch a movie around people without balling my eyes out, certainly would be be a bonus.
This is what I learned. First and foremost I am NOT alone. Whether or not people understand or admit this newly recognized condition somehow didn’t matter to me because I have read the studies and they speak to me… In fact they scream to me to the point—you guessed it—I cried. It is not a condition that describes a personality type. Being a “HSP” is defined has having a hypersensitive nervous system. This would—in my case—explain my sensitivity to light, to sound, to extreme temperature and even smells! Dr. Ted Zeff, a psychologist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, believes that HSP’s do best in nurturing environments. They are more likely to be artists, musicians, teachers, counselors and health practitioners. And, they’re likely to be popular because they’re so in tune with the needs of others. I wouldn’t say I am popular, but I do feel as if my empathy makes me a special kind of friend, even to people I might only come in contact with briefly.
From the outside, looking in, the majority of the world would have a hard time believing the sheer amount of tears I shed for an equal amount of happy and sad events. In fact, since I am so hyper aware of my crying at the sad, I try to avoid it, which of course has changed nothing. I cry at every happy ending in a movie, at all ‘feel good’ stories on the news, the interview with the hero kitten rescuer, the lottery winner and just now on Fox and Friends Weekend—the interview with the woman who adopted a blind, 14 year old dog who had lived on the streets—YEP, balled at how loved that doggie must feel. I have often felt the anxiety of loving to dance, loving music but having a complete meltdown in a dance club, where my only solace is a few minutes in the restroom or walking outside with the smokers just to be able to calm myself. These are overwhelming emotions. I feel other peoples emotional pain, sadness and stresses. I am attuned to worldwide tragedy’s more than I understand. It is an amazingly intense kind of empathy, that I have often wished I didn’t have. Other times I am happy I feel strongly when I encounter people that seem not to feel at all. The studies and articles I have been reading, explain this in a way that I have begun to be less hard on myself for what I perceived as weaknesses or flaws. I have long ago learned to cope with my feelings, if only to try and mask them to the masses. But, it is what it is. And apparently, it IS a condition. I admit that helps.
The article I read—Here, in The Telegraph—has helped me to understand why I love the quiet, and the dimly lit, the smell of lemon verbena to calm me, or even my love of children’s movies, where they rarely make people feel badly and always have a happy ending. This condition explains why I was never able to watch those early episodes each season of American Idol, where people were so incredibly horrible—I literally can NOT watch people do that to themselves. Don’t laugh, I cringe!, and if I didn’t change the channel I felt physical anxiety.
I am hoping that people who wonder why some of us just “FEEL” more, will realize it actually IS a nervous system condition. I put on the ‘tough girl’ persona as my mask. But being sensitive is just who I am, not something to be controlled, because it can’t be. To me, I feel as if it is no different than a sneeze. I can no more control these feelings as I could squash my sneezes. So if you see me sniffling while reading a book, or wonder where I went at the concert or why I can not stand Times Square… Know that I am just your Highly Sensitive Person—friend. Thanks for understanding.
Take the Highly Sensitive Person Test, here!
xoxo DDJ
The Express Lane
How long have I been meandering through this market? I look down into my grocery basket. I look up at the sign at the checkout line I’m in. “10 items or less.” Do I have more? Oh crap, I might have more. Grammatically speaking, less refers to singular mass nouns – a general term, as fewer refers to actual items you can count. So, am I going to hold this grammatically incorrect sign to mean that “less” means I don’t need to count my items? Hmm. Were it to say 10 items or “fewer”, and someone actually counted my items, would I have a serious problem? Hmm. No. I am, in fact, okay with them using ‘less’ instead of ‘fewer’. It does not roll off my tongue to say ’10 items or fewer’. Besides, there are only 3 lines open. The other two lanes have people who are shopping for some apocalyptic party or have some disorder akin to OCD–where they absolutely must buy insane quantities of whatever’s on sale. Whatever the case may be, here I stand, in an increasingly long line of people holding baskets of, or just holding, “10 items or less”. I start counting. Are four of the same item, ONE or FOUR? A quandary I find myself in too often. You’d think I would ask someone. The cashier has a void. Perfect. Now, a man, carrying a basket in one hand, and a single item in his other walks up to me. “Ma’am, I only have the three items and I’m really in a hurry. Do you mind if I cut in front of you?” Well, I have already been here for a while, and I am now sweating the number of items I have, and whether I will be caught by the “market police”. “Well, I think I have more than the 10 items, so…” He looks at me as if I had more than 10 heads and he clearly doesn’t care, so I oblige. Now, there is one person, being rung up, one person with their seven items on the conveyor belt—I counted, no doubles—and Mr. ‘I’m in hurry’ in front of me.
I’m someone who makes up stories about people in line at the market based on their purchases. It’s fun and it’s something to do while you wait. I do this because when I had a cat, and would get off the train late from work, I would stop by the market on my way home. I am pretty sure I was being judged when I plopped down a rotisserie chicken, 6 cans of cat food, a packet of cat treats, frozen brussels sprouts and a pint of ice cream. Yes, that little array screams sad, single woman, with cats… I know. I could hear the silent pity. Now it is I who wield the title of Judgy McJudgerson. Let’s see. The person now being rung-up has a very large container of greek yogurt, toilet paper, pretzels, soy milk, organic eggs, tampons and the current issue of US magazine. That, my friends, sounds like a party! Actually, I am betting single woman, no date on this Friday night. I could be wrong. It’s actually not as easy to ‘read’ people in the express lane. The big cart filled to the brim is where the fun is at. You can tell if they have children or pets, or both. You can tell which they love more. 😉 You can tell if they are entertaining, or having a barbecue. You can tell if they like odd foods, and then you wonder if you should try them. I imagine as often as I am in my market, that my regular cashiers can likely spin quite the tale about me based on the weird and nonsensical cravings I accommodate. Oh well, I will not be deterred.
Finally, the manager has corrected the voided item, the cashier has rung up Ms. ‘got no plans tonight’, and now it’s Mr. ‘I’m in a hurry’. He’s an easy read. A gallon of milk, box of cookies, and that 12 pack of beer pretty much screams you’re watching the kids tonight. It’s not judgmental, by the way, it is merely observatory. I observe, I draw unsubstantiated conclusions, silently narrate my little story, and move on, feeling awesome about myself. On this very special—meaning unusual—day, I have a cart with fresh salmon, asparagus, a couple of tomatoes, an avocado, container of strawberry’s, multi-grain English muffins, jar of peanut butter and 4 different flavors of bottled water. (That’s either eight or eleven items.) I have long since placed it on the floor, since my eternal wait in this line has somehow made the basket heavier. I lift it up to unload my items, and feel especially proud of my healthy choices—and equally glad I bought the snack foods yesterday. I have my small-talk conversation with my always pleasant cashier—discuss the weather and the increasing daylight. I pay with my debit card. As he assists me in bagging my few items I look back at how long the line has gotten. Part of me is curious what that really good-looking guy has in his cart… but not today. Today—right now—I am going home to throw these items in the fridge and have the snacks I bought yesterday. I’m exhausted. 🙂
Have a great day, grocery shoppers!
Xoxo DDJ
You’re sitting at work and smiling… Is this a dream?
You’re sitting at your desk… someone says, ‘if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” DO YOU? I know I wanted to…
There are many studies that find a connection between psychological and physical well-being. In other words, Happiness = Healthiness. So, if this is a prevalent theme in society, then the workplace mantra of “a happy employee is a productive employee” should hold similar credibility. The ‘happy employee’ practices of very successful companies has become increasingly newsworthy and noteworthy. The most fascinating to me is the 52 and 17 rule. Working in sprint like fervor for 52 minutes and then mind clearing breaks of 17 minutes, produces the employees with the highest productivity ratings. Before I even knew this was a thing, I would try this. Perhaps telling a story to my department. But a little levity was met with the look of “WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU AT YOUR DESK?” My morale was sky-high–[eye-roll].
Alas, I found myself in the dark ages of low morale. How, exactly, is “if you’re unhappy, you can always leave here. No one is making you stay”, a productive statement to employees? I find myself to be a different kind of manager. One whose methods include teamwork, recognizing hard work, encouraging idea sharing, attentive, (caring about employees as people—friends). We spend so much time at work, it is—I believe—imperative to constantly strive to have everyone HAPPY to be there. I mean, we work for the same company. I enjoy working towards the same goals and sharing in the success stories. As a manager, applauding those who work hard and building up everyone to share in the “fun’, is inspiring for myself as well as the group.
Most of us know the stories of the “really cool” companies to work for. We’ve seen the stories of company excursions to fabulous places. However, not every small company can go to lengths like Top 10 Forbes companies. http://www.forbes.com/pictures/efkk45jkjf/top-10-companies-doing-the-most-to-make-their-employees-happier/ But there is definitely room for improvement for some. The jobs site CareerBliss.com has the Leap Awards, honoring the companies that have made the biggest strides to improve employee happiness year-over-year. This is an impressive award. CareerBliss evaluates more than 250,000 company reviews and ratings it receives from employees nationwide to find the top 50 deserving companies. To qualify for the list, each company has to have at least 50 reviews. If you look at the list and do some quick math, you will come to the same conclusion as I did. Happy employees make for prosperous companies.
When one considers the amazing perks of some of the larger tech companies or big retailers, it is no wonder the rest of us are left a little envious—which can leave you less than “happy”. Apple is a good example of real life—real use—perks for today’s world. $300 towards gym, $100 for metrocard (NYC), tuition assistance if the class is related to your job. Intuit has a onsite massage therapist and a great 401K with employer matching. Facebook has an abundance of free food, dry cleaning, parental assistance, personal training subsidies and a spa. (California)
Time. How do you put a price tag on time? No one has enough of it, and generally speaking, if you want to take time off from work—at least where I was, with a Scrooge school of business mentality—it was frowned upon. I would like to take a page from the likes of Moz—a software marketing development company that has a GREAT time perk. All employees get 21 days paid vacation AND the company gives them a bonus $3000 in vacation reimbursement for food, lodging, entertainment and transportation. The CEO at Moz believes that this type of perk is essential to keeping amazing people on his team. Right THERE is part of the morale booster. The CEO recognizes that he HAS a great team. Other companies like Netflix have instituted unlimited vacation days—which has its problems as well as its benefits. Not everyone is equipped to hash out how many days is right for your job. Will you feel pressure for taking more or less days than your peers? All in all, though, I personally would like that kind of conundrum.
Food. Food is always welcome. Many companies will offer a pizza day or doughnut day, where more health conscious companies might offer something more on par with their healthier lifestyle, and everyone loves a little gourmet feast we won’t make for ourselves. Food is a fabulous perk. Food offerings, since the first caveman brought a Mammoth gift to his cave neighbor, has always been a great gesture.
Fitness. Encouraging your employees to be fit, energetic and doped up on dopamine’s is a no-brainer. Even smaller companies, without a great deal of money to spend, have found ways to benefit their employees mind and body. A company called Gravity Payments has a weekly running club, where team members can be excused from their work for an hour to go on an organized run around the neighborhood. This clears minds, provides a mental break, increases camaraderie and is super healthy. A more prevalent company fitness perk is simply paying for or subsidizing gym memberships or classes. And an up and coming perk is having a gym on the premises for employees to use. Again, seemingly a no-brainer to increase morale.
These are just some perks that companies who value their employees use to keep them happy. Low morale can simply not be dismissed. A very interesting survey by Watson Wyatt and World at Work, found that from 2009 to 2010 the percentage of top performing employees that would recommend their employer to others for a job dropped by nearly 20%. Even more telling was that slightly more than 40% felt their pay and benefits changes over the past year had had a negative effect on work quality and customer service. These are the types of costs to a company that, if overlooked, will be more than most employers can bear.
The moral of this morale story is simple. You reward your employees with a few perks and some recognition for their work and you are, in turn, rewarded right back with loyalty, hard work and great press. Word of mouth for any sized company is priceless. Better it be good press than bad.
Some great—and low cost—morale boosters…TAKE A LOOK AT THIS: http://wheniwork.com/blog/10-low-cost-perks-to-boost-employee-morale/
Xoxo DDJ
Dealing With Fools 