Technology purging in modern times… good luck

social-media-crisis

We live in an amazing time. The ever evolving advancement of technology has made dating, and even marrying, something that can begin with a click of a mouse or a tap on a smartphone.  People have multiple emails, as well as a plethora of social media that only begins with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.  We have cell phones, work phones, and some of us still have land line home phones. All of these make building relationships a snap.  They also make contact, nearly instantaneous.  We have the ability to tell our stories via 140 characters or less, to lengthy blogs while telling our deepest, darkest secrets to the world—or your 1000 or so closest friends. Heck, I have “words with friends” friends! We have pictures of our blissful relationships we cultivated online, as well as pictures of friends, family, pets, vacations, and my personal favorite… drinks and snacks. Everything neatly tagged so that the world can follow your every move.  Awesome.

But what happens when there is someone attached to you by all of the aforementioned and you want to well… let’s just say… excommunicate them from your life?  It used to be—depending on how far back we go—you could change a single number.   At worst, not answer, hang up and hope they don’t call back, rip up the hand written letter before opening it, throw an answering machine tape in the garbage, or simply MOVE. 😉

Things have changed.  There is a domino effect of—let’s just say—breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, and it has a domino missing.  Now you are stuck. And boy oh boy, you have a lot of work to do in order to rid yourself of this unwanted appendage.  As seemingly simple as it is to bring people into your life, it is astronomically more difficult to rid yourself of them.

The daunting and exhaustive process involved was brought up to me recently by a friend, and I have to say, I am not envious.  Happy I don’t have too many social media ACTUAL friends, and pretty sure if I vanished from someone’s “timeline”, I would not necessarily be missed.  We seem to be ‘shackled’ to people we know, barely know and wish we didn’t know in  ways that Houdini would have trouble getting out of.  I am curious how people handle this new era breakup.   I am pretty much a lone wolf.  There is something to be said for that in these ‘technology on steroid’ times.

Just a little something to think about as you share your fabulous life with the world…  🙂

This prescription may cause…

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I am going to go out on a limb here and say that a great many of you have a doctor whom you like, but your doctor has a staff you would like to strangle.  I know a little bit about this subject. I’ve managed a cardiology practice for well over 20 years.  Speaking only from personal experience, I am going to give a few tips to ingratiate yourself to the staff, make you their “favorite” patient, and in turn have the doctor put you to the top of his or her triage list of phone calls he or she doesn’t want to make.

Upon visiting a doctor for the first time, or ANY time, have with you something we in the business like to call an “insurance card”.  It would be equally helpful if you actually KNEW who your carrier is and—I don’t want to get crazy here—but what your copay is. Also, don’t put your hand out with 3 cards because you get a new one each year and never get rid of the old one… and then expect the already miffed staff to “figure it out”.  Some form of Identification would be welcome as well. I am sure this sounds insurmountable, but trust me, it isn’t.

Questions NO one who works with doctors wants to hear:

“Is the doctor here yet?”

“Is he running on time?”

“How long will I be?

“I know I don’t have an appointment, but I was in the neighborhood. Think I can be seen?”

In a crowded doctor’s office, I find it best to befriend the front desk people.  An example of a reasonable question would be, “how many patients are ahead of me?”  And NEVER even try that last one–EVER.  Though my office has a plethora of amazing magazines, none greater than 3 months old, presume yours does not.  Bring something to occupy your time that is SILENT.  There is the possibility, however incredibly LIKELY, that you will be there for a while.  😉

If possible, so as to not be a block away when you think of another question, write them down and bring them with you.  NOT a hundred of them on index cards, but the pertinent and important ones.  I dare say a little common sense will be required here.  Also, it is probably best to NOT start a sentence with “I read on line….”  Even if you did, the doctors I know aren’t very fond of the self treating patient who knows better.

When calling your now befriended office staff, keep up the good work.  Leave a clear and concise message, a phone number where you can actually be reached, and… this is key… if you do not hear back from your beloved physician in a reasonable amount of time, it is perfectly fine to call back. (Do NOT wait 3 weeks and call back angry and ready to rip heads off. I am afraid that tactic is counterproductive.) There is hardly the need to be nasty about it to the staff.  A simple, I have not heard back yet, preferably with an upbeat tone and minus the demonizing of the staff.  It’s not as if the doctor tried to call and had his hands lopped off by their underpaid staff. (That is just a guess.)

Notice the signs.  Not the signs from the heavens above, but the actual, physical signs that say things like, no cell phones, no eating, if you have any demographic changes, please tell the receptionist, copay expected at time of visit, please have identification.  Crazy, insane things like that.   Trust me, there ARE signs.  And much like those from heaven above, they are mostly ignored.

When dealing with the front office staff, remember that they are the first line of defense. They whisper their opinions to the physician that you are about to see. It would be in your best interest to befriend them from the get-go.  As things stand now, even as computerized as we have become, you will encounter humans.  The human element in any situation is going to make some determining factors.  Again, since I speak only from PERSONAL experience, I can say with very little doubt that all will go much more smoothly when there is a calm and friendly relationship with the STAFF.  It trickles UP to the physician and then across to the patient.

Office protocols differ from office to office, and that lag time in a cold lonely room can be exasperating.  I personally have wandered out in my gown to see if the lights were on or had everyone just left me there.  Still there is a more or LESS obnoxious way to handle that scenario.  Mostly, I realize that I have not been forgotten, I have been waylaid while the doctor is off seeing someone else or on a call with a physician… or something completely irrelevant to your care completely.  (Not an excuse, but an explanation—also not how I run my office.) If need be, peek out and NICELY make sure they haven’t forgotten you as they chatter amongst themselves doing absolutely nothing. Barking like a rabid dog will again, not make a good impression.  Remember, you aren’t wearing clothes.

In any case, my philosophy is go there expecting the worst and hoping for the best in both your time spent, and even your prognosis. I suppose my point is, you are likely to get the grand and royal treatment if you start off on the right foot and not bite the hand that can leave you in a freezing room, naked for a really long time, and drop you to the bottom of the call back list somewhere after your doctor’s malpractice insurance agent.  🙂

DDJ

Come out, Come out, wherever you are… oh wait don’t, the wicked witch is still here.

come out tweet

To come out or not to come out, that is the question. NBA star, Jason Collins came out. I was, in my own office, where a secretary has gay relatives, incensed at her response. She felt it’s “no ones business, children shouldn’t ‘see’ it, and why do they have to tell people”. Wow.  I was actually shocked. Not that she said or felt these things, but that it actually bothered me. I explained as best as I could, since I am straight that being in the public eye or not, having to keep that secret is an immeasurable and exhausting hardship that no one should endure.

Here I am about to anger a great deal of people.  Their narrow minded beliefs are not my problem.  I consider to myself to be a conservative. I believe in a smaller government, less entitlements, stronger family values, extremism on curbing our illegal immigration problem, and for whatever it’s worth, my continuing right—2nd amendment or not—to go to the range and shoot targets with a Smith and Wesson.   On the political social note, I do not fit the bill.  I know this for a couple of reasons—irrelevant to his story.  Therefore, it is a conundrum when trying to pigeon hole me into a political classification.  That being said, here lies today’s MASSIVE and hypocritical foolishness.

Former NFL star LeRoy Butler was to speak to a Church children’s congregation that, as a decent person, he would not name. This because of a TWEET–“Congrats to Jason Collins”.  THAT was it. He was told he could redeem himself by removing the tweet, ask for God’s forgiveness, and apologize and they would allow him—yes, allow him—to address the children on BULLYING—of all things. Major props to LeRoy Butler for respectfully refusing this ultimatum.  “I told the Pastor, blame it on my mom because my mom brought me up to love everybody,” he said.

I realize, as do most, that we depend upon words written either hundreds or thousands of years ago. I, for one, am a big fan our U.S. Constitution.  However, this is the world we live in. I stand by the THESE words, that we are all entitled to “ Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”.   And the church, of all entities, should not shun a man who came to discuss one of the most important problems of our children today—bullying—because of his open heart for another human being.  He added later, on his twitter account—“Also my mom says the message is bigger anyway, by the way I was raised in the church, and attend 3 to 4 times a month”.

 I will not say who my fool is here, I think you know.

My brush with Jury Duty

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Of course I can not divulge the particulars of the case I was NOT selected to sit on the jury of.  Suffice it to say, harassment, larceny, yadda-yadda. However I can summarize the gist of my day and what I believe was my demise in getting a coveted seat in that jury box.

YES, I wanted to do my civic duty, to fairly and without prejudice, with only the evidence presented to me, decide someone’s fate.  (Exciting stuff.)   I was one of 80 plus people in the LARGE and dull as possible room who waited and filled out questionnaires—as well as watched some Jury Duty for Dummies video—before we were finally moved along to the court room.  *A note about that big BORING room. It turns out one can use their WiFi, which I put to fabulous use in purchasing new shoes.

Again, I digress.  This is supposed to be about my almost-jury duty experience.  As we all cram into this tiny courtroom I see the regulars that we all know from TV—judge, clerk, bailiff, Assistant District Attorney at one table and 2 defense attorneys and the defendant at the other.  Ok… so perhaps I am forming tiny opinions already, BUT I actually watched and paid attention to that “Dummies” video, and know what is expected of me.  I am ready and willing for them to do their magic and change my mind, should I be wrong—doubtful.  😉

Like a scene from Wednesday night at the church bingo hall, they use that spinny thing and start calling names. They will fill up the 15 chairs set in the jury box. For this case they need only 6 jurors and 1 alternate.  With 3 seats left to fill, in a PACKED room, I hear my name.  YAY.  Now the hard part.  Answering the innocuous and not so innocuous questions.  And, boy oh boy, some of these people questioned before me totally FIBBED!

The ADA,  I have to say, wowed me from the get go.  She came up to her podium, explained that we have all heard the judges instructions – which we sat patiently through – and she would not bother wasting what little time she had with that. But, she went on to say, “This is not Law and Order, I am not an actress, and cases are rarely settled in 43 minutes.”  I was already impressed—not that I was choosing sides.  Her questions were mostly general and slightly vague.  But still, I could tell the couple of times I  was asked to give answers, I made a good impression.

THEN, one of the defense attorneys approached the podium with his stack of our questionnaires in order of our seating arrangement  – so he knew who he was speaking to, and unlike the hard to read ADA, asked some pretty telling questions.

“You see the defendant sitting there, do you believe you can be fair and impartial, neither sympathizing or demonizing him?”   SURE.

“One or more of the witnesses may be testifying with the help of an interpreter.  Will that affect your judgement?”  NOPE

“Would it change how you feel, or make a difference in your decision, if after the People plead their case and rested, that I stood up and said the ‘Defense Rests?'”   YEAH, I would like to hear both sides.  (Evidently, the wrong answer.)

He went on for a while with more questions about the prospective jurors and our experiences and beliefs.   Questions of previous brushes with the law,  lawsuits, personal harassment, being robbed, whether just because something is stolen of little value, is it still stealing?  (I believe I heard that question in the 5th grade), and so on and so forth.

Then the proverbial Sh!t hit the fan for me.  He asked, “If someone is WORKING in this country but not a legal citizen, do they deserve the same rights as a legal citizen?” Trust me, I was not the first to speak!  My mind was screaming, but if you know me, you already know how I feel about this subject.  An elderly woman at the end rather quickly and loudly said, “Well they are already breaking the law being here so NO, send them home”.

I swear I only whispered to the woman sitting to  my right.  “It’s a civil liberties thing.” SERIOUSLY, that’s all I said, quietly at that!   “Ms. Jaffie, did you say something?”  “Yes, just pointing out that what you are alluding to is simple civil liberties.” I NEVER SAID I AGREED WITH THE PREMISE. Apparently I didn’t have to.

I was branded, right then and there.  “LIBERAL.”  And, this might be a good time to mention that, there I was wearing my gun necklace and all.

Well… as all the pertinent parties went to the back to deliberate over who the lucky jurors would be, I had plenty of time take a good long look at the  defendant who had chosen his best grey, ratty t-shirt for his day in court.  (And they tell US to dress appropriate for a courtroom.)

NO, I am not passing judgement, that would be wrong had I been chosen, but I wasn’t… So, I am just saying… well… “Guilty.” But what difference does it make? Not unsurprisingly,  my civil liberties answer just didn’t play all that well with the judicial system’s idea of what makes a good juror. And in the end  I didn’t get the chance to have my mind blown by the defense’s evidence or the people’s case.

I wonder if I can appeal this? 😉

As for the “TIMING” of all this… Today my niece was duly admitted and qualified to practice law in the southern district of New York!  And more than anything, I want Sam to know how proud I am….and good luck, because from where I was sitting, the last people they want on  jury are the smart ones and the majority of jurors may very well fit the “fools” category.  😉

Contact: Red@dealingwithfools.com

At the tone, please leave your stupid message

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The device is not new. As long ago as 1898 a man named Valdemar Poulsen invented the Telegraphone. Skip ahead some time and in the 1970’s cassette tape answering devices—though pricey—arrived on the market in the US. By 1982 there were over 800,000 answering machines in the United States.

So I ask you, don’t you think by now people would have a clue as to how to leave a clear, concise, SHORT message with all the pertinent information on a voicemail message?

The answer is NO. Voicemail etiquette needs to be addressed. We are a country of people incapable of leaving a coherent message on voicemail! You know it’s true. In one day I can receive messages, without names, without a return number, with no information at all except heavy breathing, or with so much information they are cut off.

Let us start with the obvious—or less obvious than I thought—YOUR NAME. Handy piece of information if you would actually like a return call. Then, though you all think your number is miraculously left as some sort of hologram in front of me, you might want to leave your number. Going on from there, a brief description of why you are calling. And finally, if you so choose, a friendly send off of your choice. “Toodles”.

I receive calls from people who seem to think they are talking to me. It is the oddest thing. Remarks like, “hold on while I got get the prescription bottle”, was a favorite from work yesterday. Of course my voicemail cut her off when there was silence for too long. Or, the message that has “so, is that ok?” People… it’s a voicemail. I CAN NOT ANSWER YOU.

I suppose my biggest gripe is the unprepared caller. Too often people dial a phone and have NO idea what they are going to say, whether I am there or not. Do me a favor and KNOW before you dial. Because if I am not there you will get my voice mail and have to leave a short, concise, informative message. And if I am there, and you fall into that hesitation from hell, I WILL PUT YOU ON HOLD INDEFINITELY.

So to sum up my voicemail etiquette for today, please get your $h!t together before you DIAL a number. Thank you so much for your time, have a nice day.    🙂

To the Right, To the Right

escalator

When does common courtesy overlap with common practice? DOES IT? I have questions. There is a simple yet legal precedent to driving, whereas if you are moving more slowly you stay to the right and the left is for passing. We all know this, whether we practice it or not is another story. I have lived my life interpolating this rule of thumb to all other MOVING actions. On the sidewalk I stay to the right, on a walkalator in an airport, in a hallway, on a moving escalator. To me, it seems appropriate everywhere someone is either, in a hurry, just moving faster than other people by nature, or on fire… It just seems polite to let someone pass!

And this is where my rant begins. Nearly every day in Penn Station there is a “scene”. Yesterdays involved a non-descript man, saying “excuse me” in a non-descript tone to a woman standing on the escalator on the left. The onslaught that ensued was ridiculous. Her shouts of “if you wanted to walk you should have taken the stairs”, seemed a little excessive. I will admit I have been that person on more than one—or one thousand—occasions. That virtual conga line on the left of the escalator, with everyone trying to save a minute or a few seconds to catch a train is not a new phenomenon. But I just can’t get used to the angry “escalatee” who finds stepping to the right some sort of infringement on their civil liberties.

Where is courtesy, kindness, common sense? I think if an 18 wheeler was barreling up behind her while she was driving her car on the highway, she would get out of the way. Though in this case, there is an extreme possibility she would have had something to say about that as well.

I hear the arguments all the time. Those who say it is common practice, EVERYWHERE to simply step to the right and let people pass, and those who just complain that escalators are for standing still while it moves, and if you want to walk to use the stairs. As for the latter, that is all well and good with me…just stand your inconsidedrate butt on the RIGHT. Problem solved. 🙂

Contact: Red@dealingwithfools.com