Free Botox with Date!


<<<<<<< So now Dr. Find me a woman already, has had the opportunity to take his barter game to the masses via Howard Stern.  I can only imagine how this will change his dating dilemma.  😉 >>>>>>>>>

I don’t even know how I feel about this.  Disgusted was my first thought then well, disgusted again. Somewhere down the line I wondered, is this REALLY what a New York City surgeon has to do to get a date? I mean, REALLY?? The answer—in case you were wondering—is ABSOLUTELY, if you are a weirdo.

Dr. Emil Chynn is a New York City Plastic Surgeon.  He is a Columbia grad with his residency at Harvard and self-professed member of Mensa. He is having a hard time finding a date. I was trying to muster up some sympathy—really I was, but HOW? When the rest of the single world is lowering the bar—and I mean low enough for Dachshund to walk under it, he has a list of demands—I mean preferred qualities that really aren’t so much preferred as they are REQUIRED. The fact that he has been going at this for some time makes me wonder how Dr. Mensa hasn’t figured out that perhaps his approach needs some modification.

This guy’s pathology upon further investigation shows a history of creepy craigslist ads going back some time, offering women who must show a photo, an amazing deal on a West Village Apartment in return for “cooking, cleaning, and other unspecified favors”. (Nothing sexual) Another ad on craigslist going a few years back offered a free studio on Park Avenue in return for being his physicians assistant,  walking on his back for an hour—if you are under 115 lbs and being a woman. Also, tidying up his ski house, his beach house, and his OTHER beach house. AND, of course, find him a girlfriend. He has been at this A WHILE.

After a recent networking event, Dr. Goodsense sent out a mass email in order to rein in his dream girl. This is for real. Well, in that I am delusional and think I am getting a unicorn for my birthday kind of real. I really hoped these requirements had been revised BUT they have not changed since his 2012 endeavor. Requirements…  Age: 27-35 (Ideally 28-34), No Kids, wants kids in the next 1-2 years, College graduate, doesn’t have to be a great school, but needs to have finished the degree, Skinny, (i.e. dress size 0-2), Caucasian, (not Black, Hispanic, or Asian), Healthy lifestyle, (defined as no smoking, no drugs, good diet, no hard drinking). Is now a good time to mention that our socially challenged physician is 47 years old?

Well, I just don’t know why the offers aren’t flooding in. The perks to setting up Dr. Delusional with the girl of his dreams—actual DREAMS—are quite enticing. Our awesome Columbia University Alumni, Lasik doc—from his Park Avenue office, has offered $100 for finding him a 1st date.  And if Doctor Super Picky has a 2nd date, you could score some of his offices cosmetic procedures!  Yes, for a 2nd date you could have free eyelash enhancer or $200.  This is sounding more like a Chuck Woolery production at every turn. On the very unlikely chance of that coveted 3rd date, you could have Botox or $300. For the nearly implausible 4th date he offers free Juvederm injections or $400. And were there a sign of the apocalypse 5th date, you could have free Lasik surgery on ONE eye—a $2,000 value—or $500 cash.

In my very brief defense of Dr. Demento, he admits to being “picky”.  And, I sincerely hope he can resolve himself to being single. I only pray there isn’t a woman out there that finds his brand of E-harmony at all alluring. Even if I fit ALL of his qualifications, which I do not, I wouldn’t want anyone for whom these are the deal breakers. I am guessing it is perfectly fine if this elusive and ideal woman of his listens to death metal while torturing insects in the sun with a magnifying glass.  I imagine she can also have horrifying hygiene or be a hoarder.  Of course she can, as long as she is a college grad who hasn’t eaten since graduation.

There is a part of me that actually wonders how this turns out for him. This is reality TV without the TV. I might have to rely on the Huffington Post for updates. But is this really the world we live in?  I realize how hard it is to find someone in a society where we are all so busy that eating a proper meal and getting enough sleep takes a back seat to our jobs and careers, and maybe I am just a romantic at heart, but I would never put such stringent “qualifications” on a human being.  He is missing out on the HUMANITY of humans.  Then again, I am not sure that Dr. Strangelove understands humans outside the cadavers he studied in med school.  Good luck, DOC, and you might want to check out an old movie… Weird Science—suits you.

DDJ *never dating a doctor*

Seriously…. REALLY?


A suburban New York girls guide to nature and the great outdoors

BK PA Bear

I love the outdoors, in that I love fresh air.  I love the indoors in that I love indoor plumbing and a big comfy bed.  So it might not come as a huge surprise that my idea of “camping” involves both of the aforementioned. Planning is paramount if you’re a suburban girl like me who has that twinge of wanting to experience nature first hand, and it NOT being at the Bronx Zoo.  First, and possibly foremost, when choosing your locale, you will want to be acutely aware of the proximity of said nature to a fine resort, preferably—no definitely—with a spa and a pool—maybe even a gym if you are one of THOSE people.


Research will involve making sure that your nature excursion isn’t so far from your fabulously fluffy bed, duly appointed robe and slippers, along with a fine dining restaurant for the end of your exhausting oneness with nature.  My choice required the following criteria: distance from home, spa amenities, restaurant menus and… of course, proximity to the nature I have been craving. A mere 2 ½ hours from my personal insanity is Bushkill Falls in Pennsylvania. This first decision had me on my way to a brave new world.  This suburban chick was going out to find NATURE!

 BK PA spa                               BK PA drinks and snacks

Nature and resort being established there is more planning to be had, at least for me there was. I needed to move on to attire.  Don’t laugh, this is important stuff! Be sure to bring the appropriate clothing for your hikes and nature jaunts.  (I had to laugh when I saw people trying to navigate the rocky, wooded trails along streams and waterfalls in FLIP FLOP’s). So, being as how this typical New York suburban girl doesn’t have these items, a little shopping was necessary.  By the way a great trick when you purchase your awesome new designer hiking shoes is to scuff the bottoms for that OH SO AUTHENTIC LOOK.   Make sure you bring a bathing suit, as your fabulous resort has a pool or 2.  As I was in Pennsylvania, dressing up was not necessary.  In fact, you would look pretty silly.  I still managed to rock some kick ass casual.

BK PA me

You are almost ready to step outside the confines of your amazing resort. It sounds silly even now as I write this… Why ON EARTH would I leave these fabulous amenities?  BECAUSE, dammit… you came to see nature…. And you darned well are going to–Just as soon as you douse yourself in whatever carcinogen swears to ward off mosquitos, ticks, creepy crawly things, flying God knows what AND bears.  Ok… Turns out OFF doesn’t ward off bears.  However, I have on relatively good authority… ok some guy in a bar at the resort, but still… put your arms out straight to your sides, and somehow, without really moving, make sure mama bears babies are not behind you.  If they are, and Mama bear can not see her cubs, you are screwed and I hope you have a will.  I, being a seasoned NYer, travel with pepper spray, enough snacks to keep a family of bears busy and the ability to talk to the animals. Or, so it would seem, as they don’t seem to run away as quickly when I start talking as most people do.  In any case, my last resort would be the bad attitude I was born and raised with as a lifelong New Yorker.  Surely that has to work for something with the bears.   OK, Bears check.  Now, there are well… People.  I am not nearly as confident in dealing with them.  I’d go back to the pepper spray if need be.

I was ready to go.  Backpack filled with the appropriate bug repellent, water, Band-Aids—ya never know—and trail mix, since I never used TRAIL MIX  for its appropriate use before.  It all seemed to be going swimmingly until I made the mistake of hiking mid-day on my first foray into the “woods”.  I would have preferred bears.  People are not my cup of tea.  The signs are quite explicit.  “Hikers only”, “very long walk, rocky terrain”, “I’d turn back if I were you.”   I mean really!  The weather was 90 degrees, there are people dressed in jeans, flip flops, some people from India I am guessing, by their Saris that dragged on the ground behind them.  Oh, and of course the Einstein’s who thought flip flops on the most difficult trail would be wise, which worked out great as 2 of them sprained ankles. I should have told her that someone died just 2 years ago after slipping and falling 150 feet to their death, but I was feeling magnanimous for a change. This Zen thing was working its magic.

BK PA other signBK PA sign 2 small

 For the next day I went VERY early in the morning.  WOW, what a difference.  I barely—or is it bearly—saw any people on this excursion.  A couple of people walking dogs on one of the trails, and best of all REAL nature.  Deer with their little white tails whipping around as they put their little deer lips down to the cool clear water….  Oh wait, that doesn’t end well.  For me, however, it was breathtaking.  The early morning sun through the enormous trees, the way the sun glistened on the falls, and streams almost blinded me while it had me stopped in my tracks in awe.  Now I know, for a great deal of you this is old hat.  “Sure, yeah, whatever…. See that all the time.”  But for this suburban chick, I felt as though I was the first person on the moon.  And a feeling of serenity I had not known since my massage.  No, this was a different sensation altogether.  I literally didn’t want it to end.  Covered in sweat and drenched clear through my awesome outfit, I didn’t care.  THIS was amazing!

BK PA falls

BK PA beauty

BK PA TreesBK PA Rocks

My “Dora the Explorer” adventures didn’t stop there.  What good is heading out into what may or may not be the sequel to Deliverance, if you don’t take a few chances? So, even though I was on my own, I found a few “authentic” middle of nowhere establishments for the drinks and snacks that are obligatory.  I have to say, the food was great—for not being in NY—and the people were as friendly as can be.  I made friends wherever I sat my happy butt on a stool.  Again, serenity ensued.  I had crawled outside the box of my apprehension of doing things on my own, and had CONQUERED it—BIG TIME.

When not playing explorer I took full advantage of my resort.  The amazing staff befriended me immediately.  Turns out people like me.  The people there could not have been kinder or more helpful. They made me feel like family from the get-go.  I have to thank my best friend, whose generous gift allowed me to take advantage of the spectacular spa. It was amazing; massage, facial, manicure.  Now tell me what campground has that kind of service?  And a special thanks to a woman named Patty, who was able to hone in on my insatiable appetite. She made suggestion after suggestion and did not steer me wrong even once.  Every morsel of food I had at the resort was fantastic. I could go on and on about my Zen trip into the deep dark woods of a park in Pennsylvania, and the thoroughly relaxing nearby resort, but that would be silly.  I think my gushing about it has been sufficient.

Suffice it to say, this suburban chick has seen the beauty and serenity that lies 2 ½ hours from home and LOVES it. I found I am whole without needing someone to tag along with me.  There is NO stigma in actually WANTING to get away alone. I wanted this, I got it, and it was perfect.  I learned that the serenity lies within me—it’s just often interrupted by reality.

One last note about my literal and spiritual exploration, as I would be remiss to not mention the new friends I made at Bushkill Falls Inn:  Jen O., Patty, Crystal, and my tiny Bulgarian friend Donka who made me feel like family.  I hope when Donka returns to Bulgaria she takes with her the knowledge that she made my birthday vacation amazing.

I learned on my 49th birthday that I can do anything.  This was just the beginning.  🙂


Bushkill Falls Inn, PA

Update 2014: Facebook for all of its good or bad has allowed me to maintain a friendships with some of my PA girls. And for that I am quite grateful.  I WILL BE BACK… And you can all warn ROGER.  😉