My Single Life

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

Carrie Quote-SIngle

I recently was out with friends and met a guy. As the evening progressed, we chatted, and had a few cocktails and—though it has been a while—I had the impression he was hitting on me. I thought I explained I am not looking to get involved with anyone, and more importantly, nor was I looking to go home with anyone… now, or anytime in the foreseeable future. Then he hit me with a line that is stuck in my head like a bad song. “But I’m not ‘that guy’.”  This got my mind spinning. First of all, who is ‘that guy’? To me, he is the guy who hits on the last remaining not hideous woman. He is the guy who ‘just wants to talk’. He is the guy who just likes spending time with you because ‘you’re not like other women’. Wow… The more he kept saying he was not ‘THAT GUY’, the more I realized he was most certainly the epitome of ‘that guy’. So I tried to explain that I was not ‘that girl’ either. I did not have an agenda, in pursuit of a very specific financial demographic, I don’t particularly care what you drive or what you do for a living, (as long as you DO make a living), nor was I the type that hooked up or waited for guys to buy me drinks, etc. I don’t think he was listening.

I live in a dating failure geographical area–also known as New York. And the question I bring up when with friends, is which came first? In a time and place where I find men to be overly self-aware of their cars, homes, job and miscellaneous and generally irrelevant things, I am always countered. It seems the men I know feel the fault lies with the women in this which came first question. The impression men have of women, is that we have an agenda, we are judging the men based on the aforementioned nonsense. So I wonder, which really came first? Was it ‘That Guy’ or ‘That Girl’?

While the chicken or the egg scenario gets debated, I can tell you this much. I am sincerely NOT that girl and trying to get that fact across is impossible when dealing with the epitome of ‘that guy’.

I would scream it from the rooftops if I thought anyone would listen. But when you are one on one with a person and outright telling them who you are, what you are not, and you are not getting through?—it all seems quite pointless.

Don’t be That Guy (or That Girl). You know, the ones who get the bad rap. Instead, be courteous, respectful and considerate and don’t judge a book by it’s cover.  CRAZY, I know. But it’s a start and works for us all. Because this is THE Guy and though quite likely hard to find, ultimately worth the time.

XOXO

DDJ – dispatches from the Single Life

Free Botox with Date!

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

whatsupdoc-logo_200

<<<<<<< So now Dr. Find me a woman already, has had the opportunity to take his barter game to the masses via Howard Stern.  I can only imagine how this will change his dating dilemma.  😉 >>>>>>>>>

I don’t even know how I feel about this.  Disgusted was my first thought then well, disgusted again. Somewhere down the line I wondered, is this REALLY what a New York City surgeon has to do to get a date? I mean, REALLY?? The answer—in case you were wondering—is ABSOLUTELY, if you are a weirdo.

Dr. Emil Chynn is a New York City Plastic Surgeon.  He is a Columbia grad with his residency at Harvard and self-professed member of Mensa. He is having a hard time finding a date. I was trying to muster up some sympathy—really I was, but HOW? When the rest of the single world is lowering the bar—and I mean low enough for Dachshund to walk under it, he has a list of demands—I mean preferred qualities that really aren’t so much preferred as they are REQUIRED. The fact that he has been going at this for some time makes me wonder how Dr. Mensa hasn’t figured out that perhaps his approach needs some modification.

This guy’s pathology upon further investigation shows a history of creepy craigslist ads going back some time, offering women who must show a photo, an amazing deal on a West Village Apartment in return for “cooking, cleaning, and other unspecified favors”. (Nothing sexual) Another ad on craigslist going a few years back offered a free studio on Park Avenue in return for being his physicians assistant,  walking on his back for an hour—if you are under 115 lbs and being a woman. Also, tidying up his ski house, his beach house, and his OTHER beach house. AND, of course, find him a girlfriend. He has been at this A WHILE.

After a recent networking event, Dr. Goodsense sent out a mass email in order to rein in his dream girl. This is for real. Well, in that I am delusional and think I am getting a unicorn for my birthday kind of real. I really hoped these requirements had been revised BUT they have not changed since his 2012 endeavor. Requirements…  Age: 27-35 (Ideally 28-34), No Kids, wants kids in the next 1-2 years, College graduate, doesn’t have to be a great school, but needs to have finished the degree, Skinny, (i.e. dress size 0-2), Caucasian, (not Black, Hispanic, or Asian), Healthy lifestyle, (defined as no smoking, no drugs, good diet, no hard drinking). Is now a good time to mention that our socially challenged physician is 47 years old?

Well, I just don’t know why the offers aren’t flooding in. The perks to setting up Dr. Delusional with the girl of his dreams—actual DREAMS—are quite enticing. Our awesome Columbia University Alumni, Lasik doc—from his Park Avenue office, has offered $100 for finding him a 1st date.  And if Doctor Super Picky has a 2nd date, you could score some of his offices cosmetic procedures!  Yes, for a 2nd date you could have free eyelash enhancer or $200.  This is sounding more like a Chuck Woolery production at every turn. On the very unlikely chance of that coveted 3rd date, you could have Botox or $300. For the nearly implausible 4th date he offers free Juvederm injections or $400. And were there a sign of the apocalypse 5th date, you could have free Lasik surgery on ONE eye—a $2,000 value—or $500 cash.

In my very brief defense of Dr. Demento, he admits to being “picky”.  And, I sincerely hope he can resolve himself to being single. I only pray there isn’t a woman out there that finds his brand of E-harmony at all alluring. Even if I fit ALL of his qualifications, which I do not, I wouldn’t want anyone for whom these are the deal breakers. I am guessing it is perfectly fine if this elusive and ideal woman of his listens to death metal while torturing insects in the sun with a magnifying glass.  I imagine she can also have horrifying hygiene or be a hoarder.  Of course she can, as long as she is a college grad who hasn’t eaten since graduation.

There is a part of me that actually wonders how this turns out for him. This is reality TV without the TV. I might have to rely on the Huffington Post for updates. But is this really the world we live in?  I realize how hard it is to find someone in a society where we are all so busy that eating a proper meal and getting enough sleep takes a back seat to our jobs and careers, and maybe I am just a romantic at heart, but I would never put such stringent “qualifications” on a human being.  He is missing out on the HUMANITY of humans.  Then again, I am not sure that Dr. Strangelove understands humans outside the cadavers he studied in med school.  Good luck, DOC, and you might want to check out an old movie… Weird Science—suits you.

DDJ *never dating a doctor*

Seriously…. REALLY?