NOMOPHOBIA – 66% of us have it

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

cellphone

I feel lost.  Adrift at sea.  Alone on a deserted island. Frightened.  Anxious.  Worried.

I am not connected to my cell phone.

I cannot get news alerts, weather alerts, and random sales notices.  I do not have the ability to set my DVR, pay a bill, transfer money, or spontaneously purchase something I don’t need.  I cannot Facebook, or tweet or Instagram ANY of these concerns because I am without TECHNOLOGY.   I am CUT OFF.  Nomophobia… I have it. (Fear of being without your cell.)

For now this is just a horrible and unthinkable day—nightmare, BUT…

I have been going to and from my job for more than a quarter century. When I started, you were just UNAVAILABLE. You were unreachable.  I would get home from work and, if I was lucky, find messages on my tiny tape answering machine.  Ahhhh how that # 2 flashing would fill me with delight. TWO people are looking for me… must be important, they left a MESSAGE!   How I long for those days.

I have become someone I really don’t want to be.  I want to just turn it off. Leave it home.  But I have been brainwashed.  I hyperventilate at the idea of not being able to reach someone or have the profoundly joyous ability to send someone off to voicemail.  I am one of THOSE annoying people who wants to share every bit of paltry minutia that pops into my head…. WHEN it pops into my head!  If I wait, and the idea of it is horrific, I could forget to post the MOST adorable cat video…. EVER.

But I can’t stop. I am a tech addict.  I know people who want nothing to do with social media, who choose not to have their cell with them at ALL times, who don’t need to text or use their cell phone to book a spontaneous trip, who are fine not setting their DVR’s—and OH MY GOD, I hope they have one—or Instagramming the most amazing Street Cart Waffle in HISTORY. I just don’t really know how they do it. For me, this is an unimaginable scenario with unspeakable consequences.

You just know the day I try to prove I can do without my beloved technology will be the day I have won something and they try to reach me but CAN’T, or the day that “oh, Red… had an extra ticket, first row… tried to reach you” kind of day.  The ‘what if’s’ are staggering and again… I am hyperventilating.

Is it possible to go BACK after you have enjoyed the benefits this kind of technology has to offer? Can I just NOT be available for a day or a weekend?  Can I put on pumps and a dress and pearls and bake pies?  NO … NO is the answer.  I can NOT do it.  I really would like to say I am above this. But I am not. I am incurable.  I have the techno bug, and a thirst for knowing everything and knowing it now. Without the ability to GOOGLE at the drop of a hat, what on earth would I have done when trying to remember the name of an arcade game from 1996 that was SO awesome, I decided, I not only wanted to remember the name, I wanted to find one for sale, and maybe even buy one in the next 5 minutes? WHAT would I do without GOOGLE!  No worries, evidently, the PROP CYCLE by NAMCO of 1996 is something of arcade legend and is really hard to find… at a price that would make me MORE nuts than I already am. (Figures).

But still, the very moment I thought of it, I was able to track down the name, find out its history and subsequently find one for sale in under a few minutes.  The circle of my neurosis complete, I was able to put to sleep my wondering what it was called, and whether I could have one. Mission accomplished.  Heavy sigh of relief.

Now, same scenario, pre this kind of awesome technology, I would be dead in the water.  It’s not as if I could go to a Chuck E. Cheese now and say…  “Hey, by the way, remember in 1996 when you had that game where you rode a bicycle and popped hot air balloons in the sky on a video screen?”  First of all let us sincerely hope the same people aren’t working there. But the point is I like instant gratification, and I will not apologize for that.

Is it really wrong to need to know the news, or the weather, or Hollywood gossip, buy a pair of boots or find a recipe…. NOW?  When I think of how completely integrated my life is WITH technology today, it is actually a little scary.  The dependence, for me, is all consuming.  For the record, had I been trapped on Gilligan’s Island, it would have been the Professor I would have cozied up to.  He did, after all, build a radio from a coconut. 🙂

I am going to try to go—oh dear—without my technology for maybe a day, soon.  I don’t hold out much hope for success, at least not without vicious side effects.  But I don’t believe that my proving that I CAN’T be without technology in any way should portray me as weak or pitiful.  Some people need oxygen…. I need PULSE. (It’s an app, look it up.)  Well, back to some shopping, or baby Panda watching, or California Sea Lion watching.  Still have 30 minutes on the train.  I am—perhaps—a little weak.  But I can live with that—on 4G LTE.   🙂

xoxo  DDJ

Does anybody really know what time it is? (Does anybody really care?)

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

charlie chaplin

My Chicago reference aside, I am awake.  I suppose I did not take advantage of that EXTRA hour of “time” we supposedly conjured up.  Daylight savings time, practiced by some 70 countries around the world and in the U.S., sans Arizona and Hawaii—and no… I do not know why—has been around in some form since World War I. Actually, I read that Benjamin Franklin, in 1784 thought it was a good idea to get up with the sun in order to make use of sunlight rather than having to use expensive candles.  WELL, I have one thing to say to that, Ben… It’s called my always available 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond, and Yankee Candles.  Problem solved, and now stop messing with my BRAIN.

DST, first widely used during WWI to save coal was repealed during peacetime, then reinstated during WWII.  It was 2007 when a law signed by President Bush in 2005, extended DST by 4 weeks.  Again, not positive of the actual ENERGY savings reasoning, but I am pretty sure it had something to do with an extra hour of daylight for trick-or-treaters.  Again, my research here is a bit thin.

As I know, many of you are dealing with confused pets or children or both this very morning, I will mention a more dire scenario.  According to the American Journal of Cardiology, there is a—albeit modest— increase in Myocardial Infarctions with the switch to and from Daylight Savings Time–which may reasonably be called Daylight Death Time.  The study actually included 935 people, (59% men, 41% women). Don’t get too hung up on the fact that there WAS a study, I’ve already done that for you.  The greatest shift came on that first Sunday after the spring shift in “time”.  My conclusion, was that people DON’T like having their sleep patterns MESSED with. But, it turns out that isn’t scientific.  There were shifts in cardiac events in both time changes and the conclusion of this study showed that “DST might transiently affect the incidence and type of acute cardiac events”.  Money well spent, guys. So, what have we learned?  Pets, people, and anyone with the mere possibility of a heart condition are affected by this seemingly irrelevant and inconclusively purposed—at least in modern times—change of the clocks.   In fact, there is a very real research that shows with the spring change of the clocks, and people being awake more with the sun, more energy is being used with Air Conditioning.  And the similar use of heating costs increases with our fall change of the clock.

So, does this make sense to ANYONE?  I already have enough trouble with sleep patterns based off such things as…. Health, and LIFE, and WORK.  Do I really need to change the clock twice a year and wreak havoc with my brain… and the tiny brain of my HUNGRY kitty????

I suppose it is a minor gift in that we didn’t use Ben Franklin’s original idea he had for Paris, which did not include changing of clocks at all. In order to take advantage of using sunshine instead of candles he suggested the levying of a tax on window shutters, ringing church bells at sunrise, and if that didn’t work, firing cannons down the street to get Parisians out of bed earlier.  I think, perhaps Mr. Franklin just didn’t care for the French, because that is pretty extreme.  😉

So, I have officially wasted my extra hour today pondering my extra hour.  Maybe that was the master plan.

Xoxo  DDJ

Dr. Demented pleads case to Howard Stern

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

whatsupdoc-logo_200

<<<<<<< So now Dr. Find me a woman already, has had the opportunity to take his barter game to the masses via Howard Stern.  I can only imagine how this will change his dating dilemma.  😉 >>>>>>>>>

I don’t even know how I feel about this.  Disgusted was my first thought then well, disgusted again. Somewhere down the line I wondered, is this REALLY what a New York City surgeon has to do to get a date? I mean, REALLY?? The answer—in case you were wondering—is ABSOLUTELY, if you are a weirdo.

Dr. Emil Chynn is a New York City Plastic Surgeon.  He is a Columbia grad with his residency at Harvard and self-professed member of Mensa. He is having a hard time finding a date. I was trying to muster up some sympathy—really I was, but HOW? When the rest of the single world is lowering the bar—and I mean low enough for Dachshund to walk under it, he has a list of demands—I mean preferred qualities that really aren’t so much preferred as they are REQUIRED. The fact that he has been going at this for some time makes me wonder how Dr. Mensa hasn’t figured out that perhaps his approach needs some modification.

This guy’s pathology upon further investigation shows a history of creepy craigslist ads going back some time, offering women who must show a photo, an amazing deal on a West Village Apartment in return for “cooking, cleaning, and other unspecified favors”. (Nothing sexual) Another ad on craigslist going a few years back offered a free studio on Park Avenue in return for being his physicians assistant,  walking on his back for an hour—if you are under 115 lbs and being a woman. Also, tidying up his ski house, his beach house, and his OTHER beach house. AND, of course, find him a girlfriend. He has been at this A WHILE.

After a recent networking event, Dr. Goodsense sent out a mass email in order to rein in his dream girl. This is for real. Well, in that I am delusional and think I am getting a unicorn for my birthday kind of real. I really hoped these requirements had been revised BUT they have not changed since his 2012 endeavor. Requirements…  Age: 27-35 (Ideally 28-34), No Kids, wants kids in the next 1-2 years, College graduate, doesn’t have to be a great school, but needs to have finished the degree, Skinny, (i.e. dress size 0-2), Caucasian, (not Black, Hispanic, or Asian), Healthy lifestyle, (defined as no smoking, no drugs, good diet, no hard drinking). Is now a good time to mention that our socially challenged physician is 47 years old?

Well, I just don’t know why the offers aren’t flooding in. The perks to setting up Dr. Delusional with the girl of his dreams—actual DREAMS—are quite enticing. Our awesome Columbia University Alumni, Lasik doc—from his Park Avenue office, has offered $100 for finding him a 1st date.  And if Doctor Super Picky has a 2nd date, you could score some of his offices cosmetic procedures!  Yes, for a 2nd date you could have free eyelash enhancer or $200.  This is sounding more like a Chuck Woolery production at every turn. On the very unlikely chance of that coveted 3rd date, you could have Botox or $300. For the nearly implausible 4th date he offers free Juvederm injections or $400. And were there a sign of the apocalypse 5th date, you could have free Lasik surgery on ONE eye—a $2,000 value—or $500 cash.

In my very brief defense of Dr. Demento, he admits to being “picky”.  And, I sincerely hope he can resolve himself to being single. I only pray there isn’t a woman out there that finds his brand of E-harmony at all alluring. Even if I fit ALL of his qualifications, which I do not, I wouldn’t want anyone for whom these are the deal breakers. I am guessing it is perfectly fine if this elusive and ideal woman of his listens to death metal while torturing insects in the sun with a magnifying glass.  I imagine she can also have horrifying hygiene or be a hoarder.  Of course she can, as long as she is a college grad who hasn’t eaten since graduation.

There is a part of me that actually wonders how this turns out for him. This is reality TV without the TV. I might have to rely on the Huffington Post for updates. But is this really the world we live in?  I realize how hard it is to find someone in a society where we are all so busy that eating a proper meal and getting enough sleep takes a back seat to our jobs and careers, and maybe I am just a romantic at heart, but I would never put such stringent “qualifications” on a human being.  He is missing out on the HUMANITY of humans.  Then again, I am not sure that Dr. Strangelove understands humans outside the cadavers he studied in med school.  Good luck, DOC, and you might want to check out an old movie… Weird Science—suits you.

DDJ *never dating a doctor*

Seriously…. REALLY?

People are People…. But are they?

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

People are People so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully? Depeche Mode. Lyrics from a song I have loved by a band I’ve loved for quite some time. It is these past few weeks I have given considerable thought to the lyrics.  I don’t understand what makes a man hate another man.  I do! The fine men of Depeche Mode do not answer the question. I have been giving this a long and very personal look.  We all come into contact with people we just DO NOT seem to get along with.  It’s me, it’s them.  Maybe the truth of why some people “get along so awfully” is a very simple fact.  There are good people and there are not so good people.  There are people who live a moral and just life, abiding by laws and trying to do the best they can in an ethical and responsible way and in the words of the Hippocratic Oath—D0 NO HARM—And THEN, there are people who don’t.  Their lives may be filled with lying, cheating, thievery, manipulation and a selfishness unfathomable to me.

If you are getting the feeling this is personal, then you are spot on.  Details are irrelevant since this is just my personal study of people and why there are some that I have no use for in my life.  That I have beaten myself up for thinking I should be the bigger person TOO often, has finally tuckered me out.

An example of a “bad” person—in my opinion—would go a little something like this… Lazy and disrespectful at work.  Cheating the government for funds so that they can try to NOT work AT ALL.  Lying on daily basis with such tenacity and fervor that this person may deserve and Academy Award.  Perhaps they have a disingenuous demeanor that most people take for sincere. They might even, from the outside looking in, appear to be doing something of a charitable nature. But look closer, trust your gut.

I will make this simple.  I know that I do NOT get along with people that I find to be selfish, manipulative and devious.  So people really AREN’T just people after all.  I wanted to believe that.  That amongst us all was an innate nature to do the right thing, live a life of some small amount of benevolence and kindness. But I just don’t see it.  I see, every day, the opposite, and it is disconcerting at best, and exhausting and deflating at worst.

I say all the time that it is our four-legged friends that I am truly close to.  There is a trust, with unwavering and unconditional love that comes from the innocence of our furry friends. And with few exceptions they are my preferred choice in pals.

When it comes to people, I create this delusion that we are all—somewhere within our soul—connected and full of something, however tiny, resembles goodness.  But that just isn’t true. Whether the “bad” is a conscious and thought out life of a morally and ethically deplorable existence or someone is just batshit crazy doesn’t change the facts. The reason I don’t get along with certain people is because of a basic affect of their personality that is in direct opposition to mine.  I can’t change that, and chances are the people I find reprehensible can’t change theirs either. So, the best I can do is remove myself from situations where people like this come into my life.  I imagine, if I could do this, and I am trying quite hard, that MY life would be greatly improved.  Sadly, it means that the blight will just move on to become a leech on some other poor idealistic soul and make someone else question the same things I did.  Why is this so complicated? Why can’t I just let it go? Why should their behavior have such a negative effect on me, if it doesn’t always affect me?  Why? Because I can’t change who I am.  And if people are people as it has been sung, then I am precisely who I am supposed to be, and I don’t suppose I can expect the “bad” people to change any time soon.

It has been bandied about—mostly by me—that IH8 PPL.  And to an extent that is true more than it is not, but let me be perfectly clear… If you are a good person… I will know instantly and if you are not…. Well then, I think you know how I feel about you. So, please DO go gentle into that good night.

DDJ

Free Botox with Date!

Posted on by Red (aka:DDJ)

whatsupdoc-logo_200

<<<<<<< So now Dr. Find me a woman already, has had the opportunity to take his barter game to the masses via Howard Stern.  I can only imagine how this will change his dating dilemma.  😉 >>>>>>>>>

I don’t even know how I feel about this.  Disgusted was my first thought then well, disgusted again. Somewhere down the line I wondered, is this REALLY what a New York City surgeon has to do to get a date? I mean, REALLY?? The answer—in case you were wondering—is ABSOLUTELY, if you are a weirdo.

Dr. Emil Chynn is a New York City Plastic Surgeon.  He is a Columbia grad with his residency at Harvard and self-professed member of Mensa. He is having a hard time finding a date. I was trying to muster up some sympathy—really I was, but HOW? When the rest of the single world is lowering the bar—and I mean low enough for Dachshund to walk under it, he has a list of demands—I mean preferred qualities that really aren’t so much preferred as they are REQUIRED. The fact that he has been going at this for some time makes me wonder how Dr. Mensa hasn’t figured out that perhaps his approach needs some modification.

This guy’s pathology upon further investigation shows a history of creepy craigslist ads going back some time, offering women who must show a photo, an amazing deal on a West Village Apartment in return for “cooking, cleaning, and other unspecified favors”. (Nothing sexual) Another ad on craigslist going a few years back offered a free studio on Park Avenue in return for being his physicians assistant,  walking on his back for an hour—if you are under 115 lbs and being a woman. Also, tidying up his ski house, his beach house, and his OTHER beach house. AND, of course, find him a girlfriend. He has been at this A WHILE.

After a recent networking event, Dr. Goodsense sent out a mass email in order to rein in his dream girl. This is for real. Well, in that I am delusional and think I am getting a unicorn for my birthday kind of real. I really hoped these requirements had been revised BUT they have not changed since his 2012 endeavor. Requirements…  Age: 27-35 (Ideally 28-34), No Kids, wants kids in the next 1-2 years, College graduate, doesn’t have to be a great school, but needs to have finished the degree, Skinny, (i.e. dress size 0-2), Caucasian, (not Black, Hispanic, or Asian), Healthy lifestyle, (defined as no smoking, no drugs, good diet, no hard drinking). Is now a good time to mention that our socially challenged physician is 47 years old?

Well, I just don’t know why the offers aren’t flooding in. The perks to setting up Dr. Delusional with the girl of his dreams—actual DREAMS—are quite enticing. Our awesome Columbia University Alumni, Lasik doc—from his Park Avenue office, has offered $100 for finding him a 1st date.  And if Doctor Super Picky has a 2nd date, you could score some of his offices cosmetic procedures!  Yes, for a 2nd date you could have free eyelash enhancer or $200.  This is sounding more like a Chuck Woolery production at every turn. On the very unlikely chance of that coveted 3rd date, you could have Botox or $300. For the nearly implausible 4th date he offers free Juvederm injections or $400. And were there a sign of the apocalypse 5th date, you could have free Lasik surgery on ONE eye—a $2,000 value—or $500 cash.

In my very brief defense of Dr. Demento, he admits to being “picky”.  And, I sincerely hope he can resolve himself to being single. I only pray there isn’t a woman out there that finds his brand of E-harmony at all alluring. Even if I fit ALL of his qualifications, which I do not, I wouldn’t want anyone for whom these are the deal breakers. I am guessing it is perfectly fine if this elusive and ideal woman of his listens to death metal while torturing insects in the sun with a magnifying glass.  I imagine she can also have horrifying hygiene or be a hoarder.  Of course she can, as long as she is a college grad who hasn’t eaten since graduation.

There is a part of me that actually wonders how this turns out for him. This is reality TV without the TV. I might have to rely on the Huffington Post for updates. But is this really the world we live in?  I realize how hard it is to find someone in a society where we are all so busy that eating a proper meal and getting enough sleep takes a back seat to our jobs and careers, and maybe I am just a romantic at heart, but I would never put such stringent “qualifications” on a human being.  He is missing out on the HUMANITY of humans.  Then again, I am not sure that Dr. Strangelove understands humans outside the cadavers he studied in med school.  Good luck, DOC, and you might want to check out an old movie… Weird Science—suits you.

DDJ *never dating a doctor*

Seriously…. REALLY?